Paintin' Pumpkins - September 17, 2021

For the past few days, I've been painting wooden things in my every spare moment.  I'm using latex enamel paints because I think they're more durable, but it's glossy paint, and it's hard to work with.  Plus, I only have primary colors, so I'm having to do some mixing, and that's extra-messy work.  PLUS, it's been raining, and the paint doesn't want to dry.

This week, I painted two more of the original large scarecrow/snowman reversible signs.  This afternoon, there was one more big, blank circle left to paint.  I thought I'd puke if I had to paint another scarecrow/snowman.  Time for something different.  I spray-painted the circle orange on both sides, and then finger-painted a pumpkin on it with the yellow and brown latex enamel.

It's not finished yet.  I'm going to work on the shading a little more, and add a leaf and some curli-ques.  But I like where it's going.  Putting down the brush and doing the shading with my fingers was kind of liberating!

I should be doing something productive instead of writing this.  But I'm kind of stuck at the moment, waiting on paint to dry, and it's been raining, so it's going to take a while.

Cousin Roger's projects are working my ass to death.  He comes over here while I'm at work leaves wooden cut-outs for me to paint.  Last weekend, I couldn't fool with it, because The Husband and I were scrubbing and painting the porch.  When Roger came over here with even more stuff to paint, I sent him  home with a handful of stencils/patterns so he could do some of the "artistic" painting.  Turns out, that's not quite his thing; he'd rather run a scroll saw.  I get it.

If I weren't such a clutz with paint, it wouldn't be so bad.  We are making double-sided "signs."  I paint one side, let it dry, flip it over, do the other side.  And, invariably, I get paint on my fingers, and I screw up Side 1 while painting Side 2.

To make matters worse, I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to paint.  I bought high-gloss paint, and it does weird stuff in the wood grain, so I have to do several coats.  And when I do that, I screw up Side 1 AND Side 2. 

So maybe it's me who's working my butt off, and not Roger.  :-/

Porch Purge - September 11, 2021

 O.M.G.  

The Husband and I worked ourselves like two rented mules yesterday.  My bad knee is all swollen, and my feet feel like somebody's been hitting them with a hammer.

It's all because of that gallon of paint I bought.

About mid-morning, I was on the porch, fooling with one of Roger's projects, when The Husband came out.  I could tell he had something on his mind.  It turned out that he was thinking about that gallon of paint, planning the mission.

I believe his original plan was just to scrub the boards on the outside of the porch, to prepare them for painting the next day.  We mixed up buckets of water, cleaner, and bleach and went to work with scrub brushes.  (We own a power washer, but The Husband was afraid the high pressure would ruin the screens, hence the scrub brushes.)  When the outside was scrubbed, we moved all the furniture to the middle of the porch and tackled the inside walls.  I could not believe how filthy they were.  To make them suitable for painting, I had to scrub the corners with a toothbrush.  And the floor was even filthier than I had imagined.

It took us about 3 hours to scrub the boards, inside and out.  I still had a good bit of energy left, and so I said, "Let's move the furniture out in the yard and do the floor."

The Husband rigged up the power washer, and we went at it.  About halfway through, the water hose had a blow-out.  I went in search of a new one.  

When the porch was finally clean, we started on the furniture.  Every chair and table had spider-egg sacks under the bottom.  Every cushion was coated with dust.  We power-washed everything.  The rug had soaked up nasty water from the wall-washing, so we unrolled it on the driveway and power-washed it, too.

Finally, about 6:30 p.m., we quit.  We were both so achy and tired that we could barely move.  

I guess we'll paint today.  The floor needs to be water-sealed, but we sprayed so much water on it that it probably needs a week to dry, so I'm not even going to think about the floor today.  

Once the painting is done, I'm going to have a throwing-away party.  The porch has become a catch-all for everything we don't know where to put.  The garbage collectors are going to hate me on garbage day.

Spoke Too Soon - September 10, 2021

 

Still fighting gnats.  We trap a few dozen one day, see only one or two escapees for a day or two, then one day we're battling them again.  WILL THIS EVER END?

* * * * * * * * 

I must have a talk with Cousin Roger.

The telephone rang Thursday afternoon as I was prepping ingredients for a meat loaf.  

Roger said, "Hey.  Them little circles?  She wants one for her mama's grave."

What?  What little circles?

I peeked out the back door and found four unpainted wooden circles - two large ones, and two small ones and two unpainted wooden hats - leaning against the settee.  Roger had been busy with his new saw and had delivered me a task while I was at work. 

It took a minute to make sense of what he wanted me to do with them.  Did the woman - whoever "she" was - actually want a snowman on one side of her small circle, and a scarecrow on the other, like the prototype?  For her mother's grave?    Roger said he reckoned I could just put a snow man on both sides.

Once the meatloaf was in the oven, I went out to the porch to see what he'd brought.  The circles were made of plywood, not corrugated plastic like the prototype.  The back side of each one was rough - knot holes galore.  I took the two little circles and one of the big circles out in the yard and began spray-painting them.  They soaked up the paint like sponges.  It would cost us a fortune to spray paint them.

And the circles weren't *quite* round.  I measured the big ones.  They were 26" wide.  Why did he settle on 26"?  Plywood is 4' x 8'.  Roger could double his yield from a sheet of plywood by making the circles 24" rather than 26".  We must have a talk about "cost of goods sold."

After dinner, I got out my quilting ruler and made Roger a perfectly round 24" cardboard circle.  He was glad to get it, said he'd go cut some more circles.

So today after work, I stopped by the hardware store and bought more paint and a sheet of thin, wood-like stuff.  Don't yet know what we'll do with the wood-like stuff, but it might come in handy for something.

Some of the paint that I bought was not for Roger's projects; it was for the back porch.  We built this porch five or six years ago and have never painted the exterior wood.  I've brought forth the idea of painting or water-sealing on several occasions.  It was not something that The Husband jumped right on right away.

Anyway . . . . 

When The Husband came home from work, I said to him, "I bought you a present," and pointed to the paint, brushes, and stir-sticks on the kitchen table.  I told him it was for the outside of the porch. 

"Oh, thank you," he said.

He didn't sound like he meant it.

Fingers Crossed - September 8, 2021

 I'm scared to say it - the last time I said it, it back-fired - but I *think* we've put a serious dent in the gnat population.  Yes, we're still seeing one occasionally, but we're no longer collecting dozens in the traps every day.  

I think we had a "hatching event" inside the house.  Seriously.  And I think they may have come from that bag of half-rotten onions that the grocery store put in our pick-up order.  It kind of makes me leery of letting store workers select our produce.  

* * * * * * * * 

When I came home from work yesterday, the "prototype" of the project I designed for Cousin Roger was leaning against the settee on the back porch.  To satisfy your curiosity, it is basically a big circle on a stick (with a hat on top) to use as a holiday yard ornament.  It's reversible, with a fall theme (a pumpkin or scarecrow face) on one side and a Christmas theme (snowman, Santa, etc.) on the other.  I'd told Roger to build the thing and bring it to me to paint.  My plan was for the sign to be built out of wood, but he constructed the prototype out of corrugated plastic that someone had given him.  

He motored over on his lawnmower not long after I came home.  "Whaddaya think?" he asked.  I told him that he had the basic idea right, and that I'd get some paint and see if I could come up with cute designs.  

Since he's anxious to work, I went on to the hardware store to buy durable paint.  I came home and sketched out one side of the design.  It turns out that it's pretty hard to paint on corrugated plastic.  Spray-painting the large parts was no problem, but painting the design across the corrugations was tricky.  A straight line painted on wavy stuff doesn't look very straight.  This would not be a problem on wood.  I made cardboard patterns for the facial features for side 1.  Will do the other side this afternoon.

I spent $40 on paint.  

Keeping Roger busy is expensive.  ;)

Dog-Pecker Gnats - Sept. 6, 2021

 OMG

I can hardly write this for laughing.

Cousin Roger rode over on his lawnmower a few minutes ago.  I was on the back porch, working on an embroidery design.  I said, "Hey, Rogerrrrrrrrr.  What's up?"  He came in, and sat down, and The Husband came out, and we started shooting the breeze.  He told us about some flea markets he'd visited, and about his new scroll saw he got on sale, and now anxious he is to put it to use.  During a lull in the conversation, I asked him if they were having a problem with gnats across the road at his house.

He said, "Aw, yeah.  We been fightin' 'em for a week.  'at's 'em ol' dawg pecker gnats."

I fell over on the table, laughing.  

He said, "You know what I'm talking about, them little bitty thangs that swarm around a dog's pecker."

I said, "YES, ROGER, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT."  

Good god.

You might need to have grown up in the country, with dogs laying by the porch, to get that visual

Anyway, we talked about how to get rid of them.  He already knew the vinegar trick.

Then he steered the conversation back to his new scroll saw.  He said he wanted to use it, but couldn't think of any project to do.  

All this time, I was trying to work on my embroidery design and was royally f'ing it up for listening to Roger.

So I said, "Roger, I'll give you something to do."  I grabbed my sketch pad and drew what I want him to build.  I said, "You build it, and bring it to me to paint.  We'll set it by the road and see if it will sell, and if it doesn't, I'll buy it."

He said we had a deal, and took out of here like lightning.  In 30 minutes, he was back with a pattern.  Meanwhile, The Husband said there were lumber scraps in the shed that Roger could have.  Roger went back home to put his trailer on his lawnmower, and came back with it and raided the shed. 

I guess we'll be buying back our own lumber if my idea doesn't sell.  

The Gnat War Rages On - 9/5/2021

 For a while yesterday, I thought we about had the gnat problem licked.  Over the past few days, we'd seen fewer and fewer carcasses in the gnat bait bowls, which I've been refreshing every day.  Last night before I went to bed, I put out fresh bait.  This morning when I got up, the bowl in the living room was gnat free, and I thought, "Hallelujah!"'

I went out to the back porch and worked on an embroidery design.  

Two hours later, I went inside and passed by the bowl, and glanced down, and found this:

In two hours!

WHERE ARE THESE M*TH*RF*CK*RS COMING FROM????

I've read that they can live in potting soil.  My living room windowsill is lined with pots of African violets, but they don't seem to be living there.  There's no swarm when I water the plants or poke around in the soil.  Every vegetable in the house - onions, potatoes, everything - is in the refrigerator.  We're taking the garbage out every day and spraying the can with Lysol.  We've put stoppers in all of the drains when we're not using the sinks.  And still they come.  

They're driving us nuts.  We've learned to look in our cups and glasses before we take a sip, because if it's been sitting there long, there's a gnat in it.  This is like a horror movie.

I have resorted to putting a rubbing alcohol and soap mixture in a fine mist spray bottle.  When I see a gnat flying or crawling on the rim of the bowl, I blast it with alcohol.  It's supposed to kill them - I'm not sure it does kill them, but it slows them down enough that I can smack them as they attempt to shake it off.